The Pilot Bladder

How I learned about “The Pilot Bladder”

It all started on a very exciting and important day in Colorado Springs, CO.  This was to be the day that I would become The Aerobat, the day that I was introduced to the amazing aircraft, my 1979 Cessna Aerobat 152.  This was the day that I kindled a lasting and loving relationship with such beautiful piece of mechanical workmanship as ever I had laid eyes on.  My father and I met the aircraft broker at the Colorado Springs Airport and I have to say, I got a little choked up as I witnessed the small yet stunning aircraft roll onto the ramp.  I had done all of my training  thus far in an older model 152 with nearly 11,000 hours on it.  It car terms, that is like 200,000 miles on the odometer.  The Aerobat152 had 1,100 ORIGINAL hours.To see all the plastic in perfect condition with a stark white color compared to cracked and yellowing plastic was a sight in itself.  Boy was she a beauty on that day, and I have to say, I still catch a glimpse of her as I am leaving the airport or FBO and stop for a moment to behold its radiance.

So how does this relate to bladder control at all?  Listen carefully.

After a preflight, I hopped into the right seat of the airplane with the dealer.  I was only 16 at the time and held a student pilots license so it was necessary for another licensed pilot to be in the airplane for the flight from Colorado Springs to Scottsdale, KSDL.  I had not had breakfast that morning or much to drink although I will confess now, that was not by plan but simply by chance.  After about a 3 hour leg, we stopped in Albuquerque, NM at the Double Eagle airport, KAEG.  We gassed up and decided to head into the restaurant for a bite to eat.  And thus began my journey with “The Pilot Bladder”…

The exquisite dining room of Tio Bill's Mexican Restaurant

Entering this fine establishment, we were greeted by a 9 year old boy and told to sit anywhere.  Seconds later, that same boy came over to take our order.  Before words could escape out lips, the boy informed us that they only thing on the menu they could make today was the Green Enchilada.  After a 3 hour leg of flying, we were both hungry and decided it was better than nothing.  Now being an Arizona native, I enjoy spicy food and feel like I have a high tolerance for it.  The green sauce on the enchilada exercised that tolerance for sure.   As the enchilada got smaller with each bite, the amount of water that I HAD to consume grew exponentially.  Without thinking twice, I had to continue to suck down that water to keep my mouth below the flash-point temperature.  After helping the sole cook in the kitchen make our food, the same boy brought the food out to us, bussed the table, and rung us up at the cash register.  Does New Mexico have child labor laws?  Anyway, we jumped back into the airplane and headed out for the last 3 hour and 20 minute flight to Scottsdale.  Everything went smoothly until about 5 minutes into the flight.  We were still climbing out when it happened.

Now we all know, these things don’t hit you like a ton of bricks.  A tiny, mousy voice in the back of my head said…”I’ve gotta go.” Ha.  I didn’t hear that.  Nonsence.  I used the bathroom right before I walked out to the airplane.  But the voice came back.  This time is said the same thing but in a moderate, todler like voice that parents often choose to overlook.  Well maybe but it’s not that bad at all.  I can hold it till AZ.  But it came back again.  This time like a pregnant mother, “I’ve gotta go, that means I’m stopping whatever I am doing to getting up to move quickly to the bathroom.”  So I thought, yikes, by the time I get to Scottsdale, I am really going to have to go.  But the voice came back again.  “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IF YOU DON’T GET ME TO A BATHROOM I SWEAR ON ALL THAT IS HOLY I….WILL….DO….THIS.” And I knew what “this” meant.  We all know what “this” means.  A little friend that had not visited since the days of plastic bed sheets….

Agony gripped me for the rest of the flight.  3 hours of shear agony.  The mind does crazy things under duress.  I found myself blurting out “Man I gotta go” without even thinking about saying it.  I tried clearing my thoughts of anything aquatic but always manged to look down and see a river or lake or I had to constantly turn down sips of water offered by my copilot.

Minutes from Scottsdale, I had never been so excited to land.  Seeing the airport come into view was the only thing that eased the pain.  A simple request to circle before landing would easily have pushed me over the edge.  On the ground, the engine shut down, the prop had not stopped spinning and I was already out of my seat belt and stumbling toward the bathroom.  The rest, as in time spent in the restroom, I will leave to your imagination.

So the moral of the story is…NOTHING TO DRINK BEFORE A FLIGHT OF 2 HOURS OR LONGER.  I don’t care what people say about dehydration at altitude or any of that junk.  I can promise you that having to use the bathroom this badly was MUCH more dangerous than a very slight amount of dehydration.  Fill up on liquids after the flight, not before or YOU…WILL…BE…SORRY.

- Never let the keychain hang straight down

— The Aerobat

Aerobat152, Say Intentions:

Welcome to the first post on the Engine in the Green, Airpeed Coming Alive blog.  The purpose of this blog will be to discuss various aviation related issues including Aerobatics, VFR flight, IFR flight, New airplanes, Old airplanes, Military Aviation, and General Aviation.  The blog will be referred to in post as “Engine, Airspeed”.  Personally, I will refer to myself as “The Aerobat”.

With that, I will explain where the name comes from.  Long ago during my Private Pilot training, my instructor taught me a little mantra to say out loud every time the engine is cranked up and humming on take off.  It is a mental checklist that all engine systems are performing well, and that we are gaining airspeed.  This not only help you know that you are getting full take off power, but that the pitot tube is nominal.  So as legend has it, this mantra stuck with me, as some saying or mental checklists that you learn during training fade away.  Safe to say, if a passenger does not hear those words come out of my mouth on take off….buckle up….the old pilot isn’t on his game.  That said, I would truly recommend this small saying to new pilots as well as seasoned veterans.

Finally, I would like to say a bit about my airplane.  My baby is a 1979 Cessna A152 Aerobat.  With 1,300 hours ORIGINAL TOTAL TIME ON AIRFRAME, she is truly a sight to behold.  I will include a slightly stylized picture in this post. The airplane has the Sparrowhawk 125 horsepower engine upgrade.  I also installed an intercom but the rest of the plane is “out of the factory” quality.

I truly am in love with this airplane.  I speak to it by name (usually while flying alone…).  Although her name is usually babe, sweetheart, love… This airplane has carried me across the country to Michigan from Arizona, three times now.  She has pulled me out of horribly botched aerobatic maneuvers.  She has forgiving me for atrocious landings and thanked me for the greasers.  She has scolded me for time left out in the Arizona sun and loved me for hangar time in Michigan.  There is a funny thing about the attachment that really is possible with an inanimate object…especially when there is obvious proof that she is VERY animate.  There is a certain attachment to something that literally holds your life in the balance and can easily choose whether you live or die that day.  I’m not superstitious, it is just a healthy respect for a piece of machinery that has the power to give and take life.

Overall, I hope everyone enjoys my posts.  Please comment often and feel free to request other posts or ask questions.

- Never let the key chain hang straight down

—–The Aerobat

My 1979 A152 Aerobat